As a teenager, I struggled to express any emotions out loud. Don't get me wrong, I could punch a wall or "blow off steam" with the best of them but especially when it came to telling my dad "I love you" I just couldn't get the words out. It was especially awkward because it wasn't something we said often in our household.
I didn't realize how important it could be. My sister, who was fighting a tough interpersonal battle, had started a new habit of telling everyone in the house that she loved them before leaving or hanging up the phone. Her decision to make this a part of her healing process helped normalize the act of expressing love and affection, but it was still difficult and uncomfortable for me to tell my dad "I love you."
As I started replying to my sister, "I love you too sis" I began to recognize that I wasn't turning into a soft, overly emotional, not in control of my actions young man and, even at that young of an age recognized that the reply was important not only to support
my sister's recovery but that it actually made me feel good. As my sister began telling everyone in the house that she loved them it actually became awkward for me to NOT say "I love you" when I was hanging up the phone or leaving the house but the final person that I was able to say it to was my Dad.
The first time I told my old man that I loved him I was waiting for him to say something in reply like, "Where the hell did you learn that?" or "Men don't say that to one another!" I was shocked when he didn't reply something like, "Ok buddy thank you" but instead, and quite instinctually, said, "I love you too son." There was no awkwardness. There was no feeling of remorse or trying to figure out if our relationship had turned mushy or soft. The only difference in our relationship is that I had told my dad something that he really already knew but I had expressed it and he had done the same in return.
Today I realize that expressing love and affection is a key component of maintaining overall mental well-being. According to research, men who can express their emotions and have strong, supportive relationships are less likely to experience mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. And now, I feel good knowing that if my dad passed away or if I died unexpectedly, he would know that I loved him. I also feel good knowing that my gi
rls will think it's normal for fathers to tell their kids that they love and care about them. I am incredibly thankful that my daughters will expect their boyfriends, way down the road naturally ;-), to tell them that they care about them and their spouses to do the same for their families in their adult years.
Dudes, you'll hear this a lot from me; It's important to normalize feeling feelings and expressing them is something we need to be more comfortable doing. Don't be afraid to show your loved ones how much they mean to you – it could make all the difference in your mental well-being. And remember, as always, to get out there and do something positive today. Make a positive impact on your life or on someone you interact with today!
John
About the Author:
John Lockman is passionate about promoting men's mental health. Having lost a family member to suicide at an early age, he is committed to raising awareness about the disproportionate number of men affected by this devastating issue. Through his own personal experiences and his website, www.thelockmanlounge.com, John hopes to help men think differently about how to prioritize their well-being and become more comfortable acknowledging and processing their feelings in a healthy way.
In addition to his passion for mental health advocacy, John also has almost two decades of experience in the business world. Most recently, he oversaw roughly 100 million dollars of annual revenue and was responsible for managing a team of 75 employees. In this role, John had a significant impact on customer service, profitability, employee retention, and marketplace growth. With his wealth of knowledge and experience, John is a seasoned professional with valuable insights to share.
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