We Start from Why
As I dive more and more into men's mental health and think through ways that I can avoid monotony and provide valuable content to readers I've found myself really thinking through why men struggle so badly to, not only prioritize, but to talk about their mental health at all. I was recently having a conversation with a guy who was offering some suggestions about my branding and encouraged me to eliminate the terminology "Men's Mental Health" from the branding because it's terminology that so many men are uncomfortable with. To his point, the brand would probably be more marketable if I abandoned the terminology and I might even be able to monetize at a faster pace, but part of my mission with this brand is to make people think about, talk about, and provide quality care for Men's Mental Health. As I thought more through the idea of men being uncomfortable with mental health terminology, I started to ask myself a pertinent question. Why? Why are we uncomfortable with the idea that we have feelings that are directly related to brain functions, neurons, synapsis, chemistry, and living on this planet? It all seems so natural and yet...we are super uncomfortable discussing or even recognizing it.
Toxic Masculinity as a Defense Mechanism
The more I've thought about the why the more I feel like it has to do with stigma and the more I've thought about stigma the more important it's become to be a vocal proponent for help and a vocal critic of those who perpetuate that stigma. The, being a proponent piece, is easy for me. I'm a positive guy, I focus on positive things, I am a huge motivational quote person, and I tend to look for common ground within any conversation that I'm a part of. The thing about men's mental health is that some men are super comfortable calling other men soft for discussing their mental health and some women are comfortable mocking men for expressing emotions. You see it constantly on social media platforms and, for some reason, those posts, comments, and interactions are incredibly impactful for men. It's important that we remind people who feel comfortable making fun of or disparaging men who express emotions that they're creating a larger problem. Those people are perpetuating a system that enables mental illness to spread like wildfire and often even a response of what's been coined as "Toxic Masculinity."
I personally believe that this, over the top, expression of traditional male values like having a pretty lady on your arm, driving fast cars, having power and money, and being able to beat other people up is a reaction to men not being able to healthily express emotions in today's world. The natural by-product of not being able to progress forward without being shamed is to resort to mechanisms that brought comfort in the past. The people who are most offended by, and affected by toxic masculinity often trigger it because they feel so comfortable making fun of men who make a genuine effort to express emotion or find a meaningful way to process emotions in the 21st century. Additionally, many of the men who continue to promote a culture of toxic masculinity will mock men for expressing their feelings. It's a cyclical issue.
If you don't think that men are criticized for showing emotion, take some time to scroll through social media. Search for "Men's mental health" and what you will find is a slew of videos responding to people making fun of men for either expressing emotions, or not knowing how to. You'll find questions being asked to women like, "What's better a short attractive guy, or a tall ugly guy?" or encouragement for women to "Only date men who have been through fat or ugly eras." I'm not talking about videos that have a few views I'm talking about millions and millions of interactions. In my opinion, what we've labeled as "toxic masculinity" is a defense mechanism in response to that type of attack. If men are pushed to acknowledge and express their emotions but then publicly ridiculed and mocked for doing so, we will constantly be in a cycle of telling men to be more in touch with their emotions, mocking them for doing so, and them fighting back by embracing the traditional structure that we were safe in for centuries. The problem with that structure is that it is genuinely not fair to women or other people who don't conform to traditional gender identities. If we want to impact the cycle in a positive way, we'll have to work together and make a conscious effort to speak out against shaming men for expressing emotion as readily as we speak out against toxic masculinity. #NoMoreShameNoMoreToxicity
So, how do we move forward? I feel like I have a grasp on some of the things that are keeping men from talking about mental health but what do we do to make it a more acceptable, and recurring event in our culture? More specifically I've been asking myself "What can I do?" I think the answer to that is be as loud as I can. I realize that can be abrasive to some and that some people may even get annoyed with the constant posts, videos, blog entries, tweets, etc... but I believe that it's my most impactful avenue to make change. My thought process is that if I end up on enough people's screens talking about men needing to prioritize their mental health while building a community through this website and the social media platforms that we can cumulatively make the conversation a normal occurrence. If I brand our community hangout area as "The Man Cave" and create "Lounge Getaways" to help men promote self-care by doing things like golfing, fishing, and gaming then maybe discussing mental health will start to feel like something that's incredibly natural to talk about. If we can help men become comfortable discussing their mental health while they're on the lake or the golf course just like they would discuss how their portfolio is performing or talk about Lebron breaking the scoring record, then we will save lives and will have started a cultural shift that can be an incredibly positive movement for the world around us.
Dream Big
I used to have a little decorative ornament on my desk at work that said, "If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough." I tend to live by that philosophy. At 38 years old I've been granted a unique opportunity to figure out how to take something I'm passionate about and influence people around me about that subject. A couple of months ago I was just existing in life. Wake up, work, go home, see my family as much as I could which wasn't much, try to catch a game or a fight with friends once in a blue moon, rinse and repeat. I was stressed, I wasn't taking care of myself, I was tired, and my family and friends rarely ever saw me. That life wasn't fulfilling, and I just didn't realize it.
Building this brand and working towards building an active and engaged community who are passionate about helping and encouraging men to prioritize their mental health has gotten me out of bed every morning excited to attack the day and I couldn't be more thankful for those of you who are participating in this journey with me! Thank you for taking the time to read today. Please feel free to interact with the article below in the comments section or anywhere that it's posted on social media. You can find all of our social links at the top of our webpage. The most important thing to me is that we're having the conversation. I'd love your help and support in generating it. Go do something positive in the world today and thank you so much for reading.
John
About the Author:
John Lockman is passionate about promoting men's mental health. Having lost a family member to suicide at an early age, he is committed to raising awareness about the disproportionate number of men affected by this devastating issue. Through his own personal experiences and his website, www.thelockmanlounge.com, John hopes to help men think differently about how to prioritize their well-being and become more comfortable acknowledging and processing their feelings in a healthy way.
In addition to his passion for mental health advocacy, John also has almost two decades of experience in the business world. Most recently, he oversaw roughly 100 million dollars of annual revenue and was responsible for managing a team of 75 employees. In this role, John had a significant impact on customer service, profitability, employee retention, and marketplace growth. With his wealth of knowledge and experience, John is a seasoned professional with valuable insights to share.
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