You're Worth Your Baggage

Suicide Prevention is Under Resourced

As most of you know I'm passionate about reducing the number of people who die by suicide. If you have the time, I'd encourage you to check out some of the information at suicidepreventionnow.org. Their homepage points out a lot of encouraging information about how people are beginning to view mental health but also the stark contrast of how many people are dying and how we don't have the right resources in place to help those people yet.

A feeling of being a Burden is Often Connected to Suicide Deaths

Today I felt a need to talk about one particular thing that has been on my mind. It's the idea that, whatever you have going on in life, no matter how big of a burden you feel that you are to the people you love...You Are Worth Your Baggage! When people die by suicide there is commonly a theme that they felt like they were a burden on the people around them and that they were doing more harm by being alive than good. If you've felt this know that, to the people who love you, you're worth it! Not only are you worth it you're not alone.

Sometimes people forget that we are our own worst critics. We know, better than anyone, what our greatest weaknesses are, where we struggle, and every single mistake we've made throughout our lives even down to our very last thought. People often compare their knowledge of their own shortcomings to their perception of those of others and it's not a valid comparison. You have no clue about some of the mistakes that I've made, the thoughts, the things that got swept under the rug, the poor decisions. Likewise, I have only the context of your life that I've seen through a small window. We often dissect our shortcomings with a microscope and compare them to those of other people that we analyze from a distance on a cloudy day. We are all broken in some way and constantly working towards reassembling our pieces so please don't let your personal battles make you feel like you're less valued than the next person.

Be a Shoulder for Loved Ones to Cry On

There was a UFC fighter who named Paddy Pimblett who, earlier this year spoke out after a victory about men's mental health. As he stood in a cage after having just fought another man, he opened up about the loss of a close friend who had died by suicide in the days leading up to his fight. He said, "There’s a stigma in this world that men can’t talk. … Listen, if you’re a man, and you’ve got weight on your shoulders, and if you think the only way you can solve it is by killing yourself, please speak to someone, speak to anyone. People would rather … I know I would rather have my mate cry on my shoulder than go to his funeral next week. So, please, let’s get rid of the stigma and men start talking." The sentiment expressed in those words is something that we need to broadcast to people in our lives. Men absolutely need to be more comfortable talking about emotions, but we also need to be more vocal when it comes to telling people that we care about them and that they matter to us.

In situations where we know that someone is going through horrendous life circumstances like the loss of a loved one, divorce, a terrible health diagnosis that could take years to fight or could be fatal, we need to make an effort to tell them that we're there for them, but also to ask them a question that's tough for us but could be life saving for them. Ask the question "Are you thinking about hurting yourself?" It's uncomfortable as hell to ask. I know it is because I've done it, but it could let that friend, that family member, that co-worker know that you genuinely care, and they will know that you asked because you believe that they are worth their baggage. You have to tell people that you care about that, even if they're staring down terminal cancer, that you will cherish every last moment that you have with them if you want them to know it; because they certainly won't think it's the case if you don't.

We need to do a better job of letting people know they matter to us in times when they aren't fighting mental health conditions and check in on them when they are. It's also worth noting that you absolutely never know when someone is struggling. A large number of deaths by suicide are accompanied with the thought from loved ones of, "They seemed so happy." We never know what someone is going through so don't waste time being a detective. Just express appreciation and care for people you love regularly and when you recognize that something is wrong follow up by asking how they are and if they're thinking about hurting themselves. It will not feel normal at first but when your circles start checking in on one another and outwardly saying kind things to one another you'll know that you've made an impact and I promise you it will be worthwhile.

Normalize Saying Caring Things Out Loud

Following a recent celebrity suicide death, I found myself in an impactful conversation with a group of guys I've been in a fantasy football league with for over a decade. We have a messenger thread that we use daily but that day was different. We addressed the death and we were all shocked that the celebrity had died by suicide because he genuinely always seemed happy to the outside world. After the initial gap in writing several of us started typing and the messages were encouraging. Grown men were saying things like, "Look I know I don't say this much but I care about every one of you guys." and "Love you dudes, take care of yourselves." Those moments are often breakthrough moments that help people feel more comfortable reaching out if they're in a dark place or asking for help when they need it. Those moments also help us to feel more normal for checking in.

Break the Silence, End the Stigma

If you follow any of The Lockman Lounge social media accounts you'll see me repeatedly encouraging everyone to "Break the Silence, End the Stigma" and I sincerely believe in the slogan. If we disrupt the silence around men's mental health, if we talk about it, if we decide to make it matter, then we can make a real impact on the topic. We can eliminate stigma, create a culture where men utilize mental healthcare, and normalize checking in on people you love specifically regarding their mental health.

When someone breaks a leg or blows an ACL we immediately ask how they're feeling when we see them but if someone is depressed, we tend to avoid the conversation altogether. That Doesn't Make Sense! It's up to us to change it. My goal is to build a community that is heard. I've been writing, posting, talking, and doing whatever I can to build the platform and brand for a couple of months now but it's not about me! I need the help of every person who reads the blog, sees the social media posts, or interacts on the website to help build a vocal community that helps men prioritize their mental health every day. Please, comment, like, and share. Most importantly be that voice in your personal circle. That is the most impactful thing that you can do to help Break the Silence and End the Stigma. Thank you for taking the time to read today and make sure to leave a positive mark on the world today.

John

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About the Author:

John Lockman is passionate about promoting men's mental health. Having lost a family member to suicide at an early age, he is committed to raising awareness about the disproportionate number of men affected by this devastating issue. Through his own personal experiences and his website, www.thelockmanlounge.com, John hopes to help men think differently about how to prioritize their well-being and become more comfortable acknowledging and processing their feelings in a healthy way.

In addition to his passion for mental health advocacy, John also has almost two decades of experience in the business world. Most recently, he oversaw roughly 100 million dollars of annual revenue and was responsible for managing a team of 75 employees. In this role, John had a significant impact on customer service, profitability, employee retention, and marketplace growth. With his wealth of knowledge and experience, John is a seasoned professional with valuable insights to share.